Not going to lie, this week has been disappointing. I studied enough to at least expect a 4 on all my exams, but all I have gotten are 2-5. My predicted grades have dropped on all my subjects. The specially bad one was geography but I wont get into that.
For Paper 1 I feel like I could of practiced more when it comes to writing essays, but I am not sure where to start. I have now around 90 days to revise and study for every subject, but I’m not sure if I have the discipline to focus and study everyday. I hate not being able to focus on something and then feeling bad for not doing it, but the start is the worst. It is not hard to “study” for english, it’s technically practise, it is just boring to do so. A lot of writing will be involved, and I can also use the marking sheet to mark myself, but I would still need to help of Mr. Macknight to check it. I do not want to disturb him in these difficult times of dealing with little kids practicing for paper 1/2.
I don’t work well under pressure and this paper made me realize that, my mind froze and it just skimmed over the passage. I never went knees deep into the passage, what was on-top that’s what I saw. There were some very crucial parts on the passage that I just skipped through that Mr. Macknight pointed out in the class. In class everything that he pointed out made sense, but he could have told me all that in the exam and I would of never understood.
I have to take initiative to start practicing because I made a lot of rookie mistakes on paper 1, and after a year of practicing you might think they would be done for, but they are not. I just need to get into that discipline of studying, which is easier said than done.
I thought at first that the paper one exam was pretty alright, though I didn’t do well I feel better knowing what the exam outline will be like when we have to write our actual exams. I also know where I need to improve my writing skills more after writing paper 1. The general feedback helped a lot as well, knowing what the most common mistake is has taught me what I need to look for next time and tells me as well that I’m not the only one who made that mistake as well. I will admit though that I made some stupid writing errors during the test, which taught me that I need to keep a calm and relaxed mindset so that those don’t happen in the actual exam.
I think overall that it was pretty good even though I made some stupid errors. For the next writing test, whether that be the exam or another practice paper, I know that I have to remain calm and relaxed while reading the text and answering the question. I also need to work on supporting evidence and examples that support my texts as well. Which I will work on and hopefully when I write another test or exam that’ll all have improved by then. I now know what I need to work on and improve some things as well, though some of the things I need to improve on were alright after reading my paper 1 I now know that they could be stronger. It’s gonna be a lot of work but I know that if I keep working hard I’ll be able to fix those mistakes and improve my writing skills.
I will start off by saying that I did not expect to do well on the Paper 1 practice. I felt rushed and stressed when doing the practice, although I did prepare before hand. Most of my errors were spelling errors (sp), which is what you would expect from someone that is rushed, stressed, and their first language is not english.
Re-reading my practice paper I can see the sloppiness in the writing, and the analyzing. I had trouble analyzing because I could not understand either texts, and I just did my best with what I could understand. I had some good assertions overall but no supporting evidence to go along with it. I also wrote about personal experiences which was a big no-no for my grade since none of it was relevant— an observation made by Mr. MacKnight.
I spent most of my time analyzing and I was still unsure of what the text meant, next time I will have to meditate in the middle of the paper to calm my nerves. Going back to the text now, two of my paragraphs were not supposed to be there— another observation made by Mr. MacKnight— and I did not have quotations to support my assertions. Half way over with the paper I realized I wrote it in past tense, which Mr. MacKnight has pointed it out, enough times for me to remember, that essays are written in present tense— to be honest I do not remember what that was, since I learnt it in primary school, but I know it is not past. He has repeated it so many times that I should be able to remember it like my mom’s name, but I never do.
I am pretty disappointed with the grade that I got, but it was expected, I am not the brightest person in the class, and even less the best english speaker, but I did wanted a higher grade. I will keep the errors I did in mind, but I am not sure I will remember it when it comes to writing the paper. Also writing digitally is much easier than writing traditionally since I can go back and change things like nothing happened, just like how I changed most of the contractions, abbreviations, and all of the lower case I’s.
My biggest mistake in Paper 1 was a lack of analysis. Instead of analyzing and commenting on how the author successfully brings out a message or raises questions, I mostly directly comment on how the author does it by giving too surface-level descriptive pieces of evidence. Besides that, I should explain how the author communicates with readers through different literary styles, such as imagery, structure, sound, tone and diction. Furthermore, I need to improve my paragraph structure. Most times, I generally begin with evidence and then comment on it. Instead, I should start with transitions, assertions, and evidence. Lastly, I have to read more, write more and practice more.
After doing practice paper 1, I could identify my mistakes so that improvement could be made next time. Constructing a thesis after making assertions is important, and doing the instruction after the body paragraphs will be more effective. Focusing on one or two themes, such as characterization through the diction used, is more effective than randomly mentioning many topics at once. I also understood better how I am meant to organize my paragraphs and create a flow within the essay. Within my essay, many generalizations were made that needed to be more specific, so I would like to improve and be more specific with the assertions I use and the explanations for quotes from the texts. Additionally, paying more attention to how I include my quotations from the text is essential, such as citing the quotations properly, paying attention to word choice, and using the present tense in my writing.
Based on pretty much all the feedback I’ve received for each of my in-class essays, although my most frequent error appears to be how I incorrectly format citations, my greatest struggle is how my analytical interpretations tend to lack sufficient depth. In my most recent practice paper especially, my analysis of the poem The Beaks of Eagles largely neglected imagery, sound effects, and tone, instead focusing almost entirely on structure and content rather than technique. Examining these aspects doubtlessly would’ve enhanced the essay as a whole.
If I am being honest with myself, I knew this practice paper 1 was far from my best work. Even before recieving any feedback I knew what I needed to work on, and that is organization. Although I spent a lot of time organizing, I didn’t develop my ideas in a coherent manner, nor did my plan really follow the methods we learned in class to analyze literature rather than just comment on literature. I spent a lot of time trying to interperet the meaning behind the poem rather than analyzing what the author does to convey meaning, and how it makes me interperet the text. After learning from this mistake, I now know how to plan better and where to spend my time better, which will hopefully help me succeed in the future.
In my writing of paper 1, I often rushed, making my sentences unclear or misspelling simple words. I also must remember to write in the present tense when writing about literature. The rest of the comments were about my careless errors, punctuation, and redundant writing which I need to improve upon.
By re-reading my paper 1 writing assignment, I can pick-out my mistakes and understand where I went wrong. Also by reviewing how I write, I can imoprove upon my weaknesses by using the marking key.
From re-reading my paper 1, I recognize which mistakes I made and how to fix them. By referring back to the marking key, I can read into how I can fix my errors in the correct way. The errors made on my paper 1 were easily correctable and through further practice can be fully prevented. An example of this would be to indent my paragraphs.
By re-reading my paper 1 I can also go over it paragraph by paragraph and assess what was well written and what needs further progression. Reading the marking key, I can further develop my writing skills and use what I’ve learnt to further my analysis in the future.
A thing I did well was observing the effects of the diction present in the text. Next time, I should explain those effects more concisely.
After looking at my Paper 1, what I did well was referencing to the text and the organization of some ideas. I have learned how to developed more points on characterization; to use what the characters do, what the say, their feelings and other factors. I also learned how to make sentences more accurate to communicate my ideas. I need to improve my assertions so that they are stronger. I also need to make clearer analysis, descriptions, and be more specific.
After reading my practice paper 1 I had many careless errors. I did not correctly cite quotations from a poem. Some of my sentences were somewhat confusing or awkward.
The major error in my writing was a misinterpretation of what something in the text meant. It derailed my argument in that paragraph as I analyzed the wrong meaning. This will likely not happen in future practice.
In one of my paragraphs, I somehow did not write about what I said in my assertion. Next time I will write a better topic sentence.
What I did well in my writing was that it is organized. Every paragraph has an assertion, a quotation, and an analysis and explanation of the quotation. There is an introduction and conclusion that state what will be talked about or what we have learned. I am on the right track and mostly analyzed the writing rather than narrating it.
When writing my exam I felt that I was much more prepared than last time, mostly off of knowing what not to do. Mainly in terms of organization but also means of analyzation and the fact that apparently overthinker isn’t a word. in terms of all that I definitely improved. BUT, In focusing on this i overlooked many of the other improvements I needed to make. This mainly had to do with my technique. I have had a hard time moving away from using big words to fill up room and impress teachers and moving towards being straightforward and clear. this is heightened by the fact I probably spent too much time thinking and deleting things and a less ideal amount of time editing. I have quickly noticed that the most challenging thing for me in the DP program is writing essays, specifically in class ones. I either go in to class with no plan and completely ad lib the whole thing or I make a plan and continue to do exactly the same thing because my plan wasn’t detailed enough. I also tend to write like a creative writer even in evaluative essays because I am used to it. In general, my main issue is adapting from middle school short story writing which I did a huge amount (almost daily) and switching to the more simple but direct system of essay writing.
After reading the feedback on my essay I realized that I have grammatical errors, I need to be more careful with my spelling and write with a correct verb tense, as well as ending a sentence when I have finish the point in the sentence because if not the sentence is disorganized and confusing. I should also improve on quoting correctly by putting the line citation in parentheses at the end of the quotation.
According to the marking on my analysis of “Let Evening Come”, error 23 (unclear or awkward expressions) is still the most severe and common error I make in writing. I am still learning to use a simple structure to construct a sentence. What my grade 5 English teacher told me, “Less is more”, meaning writing less yet simply is better than writing a lot but unclear, is something I must keep working on. In the future, I will try to use simple diction to express my ideas to make them as clear as possible.
I also made a lot of spelling mistakes throughout the essay. I was confused between words with similar spellings including “syllables” and “syllabus”; “empathize” and “emphasize”. I will pay more attention to the spelling and meaning of words in the future.
In the aspect of analyzing, I figured out the direction to analyze it. However, I did not explain the significance of the subject and connect it to the central idea of my analysis. I can explain further and make connection with my central idea of my essay in the future.
After reading my feedback on my essay I learned two things: The first thing is that I have to try to not repeat the same words in the same sentence, if I want to use again the same term it’s better to search for a synonym. The second thing that I learned is that I have to check more carefully my essay especially the parts were I am talking about how the author uses diction because when I list the words I have to write them with quotation marks, which is something I forgot to do.
After reading the feedback about my essay, I learned that I have to focus more about the way letters are spoken. I did a major mistake with concentrating about the way the words sounded. All in all I focused too much about what is said, not about how it is said.
I realized after reading the feedback from my essay that I still have a long way to go when it comes to my writing.
My most consistent mistakes are using needless words and omitting parenthesis around page or one citations. I understand now that I have to go straight to the point instead of beating around the bush in hopes of making my essay longer and/or sounding smarter when in fact, it does the complete opposite. As for my lack of punctuation for references, I am did not even realize that it is not the proper way to write.
So moving forward, I will try to be conscious of my punctuation and also being more straightforward with my writing. I will be able to achieve all this with some more practice.
When I got my essay back I was surprised by the amount of mistakes I had made since I had the feeling of having done a good job on the paper. All of my mistakes were either gramatical or structural, these kind of errors happen all the time but are possible to avoid by proofreading and analyzing everything that is said.
I learned that it is not only important to focus on what is said, but to also pay attention on how it is said. The most important thing I can do to improve is to stop summarizing and start analyzing.
After receiving our “Let Evening Come” Practice Paper 1, and tallying up our mistakes, I saw that the most common mistake I had made was the same as my last practice paper. That being number 29 “Omit needless words.” I find myself struggling with this a lot, and do it in pretty much everything I write. When reading my essay, I noticed that I had a lot of super unnecessary details and extra words that added no real value to my writing. In order to help correct this ongoing error, I honestly think I just need to practice writing more. This way, I can go through the steps of planning out my essay and writing it, and then go back through it and strip it of any pretentious sounding, meaningless details. This will help me to become a more efficient writer, and will prevent me from wasting mine and my audiences time with taking forever to get to the point.
When my practice paper one was handed back to me, I noticed new errors. My most common errors were using present tense, weaving my quotations with no prior explanation of the situation and putting the incorrect line citation at the end of a quotation. In order to fix my present tense error I will have to remember writing in the present tense, this can also be done through practice. My second error was weaving my quotations with no prior explanation of the situation. I would always address the significance of the quotation however, I would lack in explaining it beforehand and mentioning the situation and what the quotation was about. I will need to remember this vital step in setting up a quotation, memorizing these steps on quotations and practicing will develop this habit for me. Thirdly, writing the incorrect line citation at the end. For example, I would write a quote like; “Let the shed go black inside.” (II 9-8) II does not represent lines. I can fix this by remembering the correct citation.
After going through my essay with the notes on it, I realized that my errors were mostly careless errors. The errors I would like to fix most are 26, saying the same thing twice. 3, assertions, and careless spelling mistakes.
I seem to have a difficult time with making assertions in my paragraphs. I either made too many or none at all. I am going to work at fixing this through writing out assertion examples, and reading other peoples’ assertions. The errors that I was making in my earlier essays have been fixed, but there are new errors that now need to be fixed. To fix my careless spelling errors I am going to leave myself more time to proof read, and edit.
When I got my essay back, I noticed that I made a lot of spelling mistakes and had trouble using present tense when writing about literature. I also struggled with run on sentences and punctuation errors. Something I have always struggled with when writing was properly formatting my essays. I really need to stop looking for the deeper meaning of a poem when I write about it, as I keep trying to find meaning in something that might not have it. I understand that it is a common thing with a lot of people, but I really want to work on seeing things for how they are and not searching for meaning. When I wrote this paper, I forgot to include an assertion. These were common problems on my last paper, and I tried to avoid making them again but failed. I was trying to get a ton of thoughts down and in the process missed a few of my errors.
To fix these problems I understand that I must proofread more than once and pay better attention to details, I also realize that these problems are things I need to work on and will not get better without practice. On my next paper I’m going to try to keep these problems in mind well I am writing and proofreading it. I did enjoy the poem and I like how we are identifying what I did wrong so I can work and grow from it.
Writing an essay on the poem “Let Evening Come” gave me a better understanding of what I needed to work on to further improve my writing. My most common errors were using the present tense, omitting needless words, and comma errors. I will improve my errors by remembering to use such as had, or was rather than present tense ones. One thing I have always done when writing is adding extra words into my sentences to fill them up but sometimes It makes the sentence harder to understand so I need to omit those words that are not needed. I will also make sure I re-read on how to use commas properly so when I do write again I don’t make this same mistake.
I find that when I’m writing in a specific amount of time I often forget to write properly and I just rush to get all the words down on the page. Next time I will make sure to leave more time to proofread so that I can fix the mistakes I notice.It will take time to improve these errors but once I fix them my next writing assignment won’t have as many errors.
The completion of Let Evening Come, paper 1 practice, has taught me a few new techniques and fixed some of my previous mistakes. Most notable is error 23 “Unclear or awkward expression; or the wrong word.” My errors for the paper 1 practice of which I would like to focus on fixing are error 2, 10, and 13.
After receiving my paper back, I notice my thesis statement was quite vague, resulting to a weak declaration regarding my assertions. This mistake about declaring my assertions may had been due to my use of weak assertions and inability to use such assertions into my paragraph, which resulted in a weak essay (still an improvement to my previous essays). Although I have improved error 23, it has been replaced with error 10. In order to improve my essay for next time, I will need to take more time in my assertion choices and plan which quotes I will use as evidence and how to weave it in smoothly into my paragraph.
A summary of the mistakes I made while writing my terrible explanation of how to create mood in a poem. This essay gained its abhorrent status the moment I put pen to paper, causing havoc in errors and mistakes. These mistakes can be separated in two ways. First, weak arguments can quickly become empty body paragraphs that don’t serve a purpose, and Second Careless mistakes were made from a lack of thought, poor proofreading, and the manic time crunch to try and write something legible. Punctual errors and improper use of capitalization would also fall under the canopy of carelessness and haste. Most, if not all, these mistakes could be fixed in one simple but arduous task of going through your work with a fine tooth comb, but this can be unpleasant, like listening to your voice recorded.
All of this matters less whether or not there was any improvement. Compared to the last essay, I have improved in reducing the number and severity of the errors I make. I am happy with that for now, and it will be intriguing to see if I continue to improve or hit a wall of mistakes I can’t entirely fix for some reason, i.e., spelling mistakes.
As I went through my text after I received it, I noticed way less grammar mistakes than I usually had, but the problem was rather the way I described the poem, more like re-telling it, rather than describing “ the mood it was establishing” .
The thing I need to work on is making sure I quote correctly. I can improve, by analyzing previous texts and/or other texts which show the correct way of quoting sentences, and remember to do that for the actual paper.
The other mistake, which does not have a quick or easy fix, is using unclear expressions. My best solution would be saying the thing I want to say, as it is, if I am not sure how to express my simile.
My reflection from the feedback is that I need to pay more attention when I write because when I write my ideas fast I have more mistakes, I have to organize my ideas and then write them down to have less mistakes, I keep having the same mistakes because I don’t organize my ideas and I don’t review my work enough, I need to proofread my work more carefully.
In order to improve my marks in this course, I will have to tune my skills in a variety of different aspects of both my writing and organization.
First off, I am admittedly horrible at placing my quotations into my writing. I have a bad habit of neglecting to use transition words or phrases, and as a result, just paste a quotation into the middle of a sentence. The results of this habit are clunky, awkward, and difficult to read sentences, which at times are incomprehensible.
To build on my previous paragraph, I consistently receive a graded exam covered in the number “23” scribbled in red ink. A consequence of my clunky quotation placement is the awkward or unclear sentence. I committed this error more frequently than any other, by far. This mistake has continued to be detrimental to my writing. I recognize in order to improve my writing as a whole, I have to write my sentences with more care, in order to maintain clarity. This small adaption would improve all other aspects of my writing.
Finally, easily the most fixable, yet most annoying mistake, error 47. On every summative I am given, no matter how careful and observant I am in the proofreading stage, I always miss this one tiny mistake. Placing a line citation in parentheses is the bane of my existence. This one, tiny error results in difficult to read sentences, and inhibits clarity. If I am able to make this small adjustment, I can greatly improve the quality of my writing.
Writing an essay on “Let Evening Come” was a good learning experience and taught me what I need to focus on. To improve my grade, I need to learn and practice basic grammar/spelling and provide a better analysis of the text. My most common errors were grammar mistakes like not using the possessives properly and comma errors. Another problem was random capital letters throughout the essay. I believe these errors to be a result of rushing. The spelling of words was also a mistake I frequently made by switching the order of the letters. From receiving my spelling and grammar feedback I learned that I need to slow down so that I make fewer mistakes. Another thing that would help me with these mistakes is to learn grammar and spelling rules and practice them in my free time. The second thing I need to improve on is my analysis of the text. In my essay for one paragraph, I wrote about diction and focused on what the text was saying which was a mistake. I looked for meaning and elaborated on things that were not actually in the text. Instead, I should have focused on how the text was written. From the feedback, I have received I learned that I need to analyze how the author creates mood through imagery, structure, sound effects, and diction and not the content of the text. Something that I think would be beneficial for improving all mistakes is to do a more effective job editing my essay after the initial first draft.
At such a time, I knew for certain that the tombstones in front of me would continue to haunt me and remind me of death; and my mother repeatedly asking if I was okay, and my grandmother’s wrinkled face staring at the pile of dirt being dumped on his grave, and my cousins walking towards the grass were scared and nervous at that moment conversing with each other through darting eyes; and the sounds of cries and sadness in the air, the rain pouring down aggressively, being aware of every drop that landed, on my face; and the crisp air hitting my face, was the wind, and that even with everyone there, the feeling of sadness, was everywhere.
A sad girl, dealing with loss, grief within her. A girl with a blue hijab, a big smile, having so much love to share. A girl who drowns in thought, and wishes to be someone great, and be loved by more, and to help everyone around, and hopeful for better days who screamed, and sang, and prayed; and whose tears flowed gently down her cheeks as her past memories rushed back in.
Passage 1: Once upon a time, somewhere filled with hexagons in plain grayscale as far as eyes can see, stand Dennis Kim, who once promoted π, and the greatness of circle, now discover the truth, his heart now broken, and filled with regret, with his mouth open wide, come to the realization that “Hexagon are the bestagons”.
Passage 2: A emotionless young man, all in plain dark grey colour, with messy black hair covering his forehead, and ears. A young man, with his black near sight glasses, with a old black table. A young man who is obsessed into the world of anime, who eyes, and hands are flawlessly in sync with those circle in the computer screen, who never learn
At such a time I knew for certain, that this laughter filled boat was a moment I wanted to remember; and that Alyssa Powell, happily taking film photos, and Brooke Gardner being captured in the photos were all smiling and joyous; and that Reina, Alex, Coen, Cameron, and Brandon, were intertwined in the moment conversing contently with one another; and that the sound of the swaying water beyond the boat, intersected with docks and sails, with the bright moon shining down at us, was Lake Cowichan; and that the bright scatter of glitter in the dark sky, were stars; and that even with the cool dusk air, the feeling of warmth, was happiness.
A joyful girl, all in baby pink, with pigtails in her hair. A girl with butterfly clips, and with fuzzy slippers, and with a lollipop in her hand. A girl who was amazed by fairytales, and frightened by monsters, and confused with multiplication, and excited for Santa to come, and saddened when dropped off on her first day of school, and delighted by snacks; who sang, and played, and cried, and smiled; and whose world was lit up whenever she’d receive a hug from her mother.
Passage 1: Throughout the years I’ve been at this school, Brookes Westshore, is not my home; and my dad Miguel, living at home, and also my mom Adriana, were in Mexico are missed by me; and that Luisa, Rodrigo and Diego, my best friends back home, were also are missed by me; and that a combination of emotions comes and is intersected with home sickness, and the excitement to go home. That the light at the end of the tunnel, is the time when I get to go home; and that reason to be happy, when they receive me with a big hug, was the joy; and that cold feeling of sadness growing everyday, with that feeling of losing myself will come soon to an end.
Passage 2: A beautiful dancer, all in a beautiful costume, with great rhythm in her heart. A woman with no limits, and with grace in every step, and her hair moving around. A woman who had a big smile in her face, and showered with sparkles, and strehght to jump, turn, bend and stretch, with emotions flowing, and a message to transmit; who moved, and grooved, and danced, and who’s feet never stop as her mind was leting go all the feelings that cannot let her be herself.
A sad girl, dealing with loss, grief within her. A girl with a blue hijab and big smile, having so much love to share. A girl who drowns in thought, and wishes to be someone great, and be loved by more, and to help everyone around, and hopeful for better days who screamed, and sang, and prayed; and whose tears flowed gently down her cheeks as her past memories rushed back in.
… That was the time when the truth was made clear, by the dark stars whose light reddened with Lord Eshan’s fury, and by the cathedral, once so opulent, and the monuments built in Her honour, which crumbled to dust; that Kasavionos, Varokira, Azanak, Tesiran, and Ganok, the ancient rulers of Eshara, were once more free to conquer; and that the western countries of Jahion and Cerrus, lands of rivers and mountains and deserts, would soon take up arms in preparation for a war; and that the northern land of Kanar would do the same; and that Eshan the Creator in her anger would not intercede; and that Simon, once named Edward Alder, stood at the center of it all, not knowing what to do.
A regal man, in a long grey coat, with white streaks in his dark hair and beard. A man with dark eyes, and with a sharp nose, and with mechanical implants in his fingers. A man who had once been a lord, and once been wealthy, and once been respected, and once been powerful, and had once fought, and had once killed; who now watched and listened, and saw and heard; and who always waited in the shadows for his time to come again.
(NOTE: Both of these are derived from the events of a story I intend to write. The first describes the circumstances leading up to the finale, and the second a major antagonist)
At this time I knew, that this merry place blanketed in snow was the mall; and that Santa, jolly in his ways, and also Buddy elf of Santa, were cozy and warm; and that Oliver, Emma, Harry, Thomas, and David, tots of the waiting parents, were giddy yet composed; and that the spectacular landscape beyond the scene, crossed with trees and bells and wreathes, with rowdy shoppers crowding through, was the gates; and that the red and white line beyond, was candy cane lane; and that the distant candy hut from which shouts of joy came, was Santa’s; and that the mound of Christmas joy taking in the season and beginning to smile, was me.
A jolly man, all in soft red, with a great sack on his shoulder. A man with a hat, and with black boots, and with a pipe in his mouth. A man who had been dusted in soot, and powdered by snow, and fattened by cookies, and bit by frost, and warmed by smoke, and framed by beard; who bounced, and laughed, and beamed, and smoked; and whose sleigh jingled as he flew through the night.
Passage 1: …At such time I knew for certain, that this place I called “home” was the pathway that led me into the heart of mine, and that me myself, for long abandoned this place, and also the feeling of being bored of my own origin so much, had been accepted and replaced with the happy, joy, gratitude, delight and peace, all now flow into me like a new first wind of a spring I dearly love so much; and that no matter how hard life is can seems to me, being mixed with the colors of sadness and despair, intertwined with the chaos, conflicts that will never stop, conflicts that I hardly understand, will always be there, and that whenever it all feel too much for me that I just want to stop for a moment to find a bit of peace, home is there; to welcome my little existence and no matter how much has happened, it’s there.
Passage 2: The train passed, with the slight city rain, there I sit with my own self. The cold air, with the lingering sadness, with some quick deep breaths, and with the blue that I have been so familiar with. The cold air which had been there for long, cleansing the air, and dirty the soils, and wet the hot roads, and wind follows, and cut through the busting city life, and bring life, and tear away our hearts; rain comes, and stop, and come, and stop; but is always there to welcome lonely soul who need a moment of tranquil in life.
Pastiche 1: At such a time i saw for certain, that this colourful place, overpopulated with children, was none other than the water park: and that parents payed bored on their sun beds; and that Brandon, Coen, Alex, and Adam, teenagers who were also bored from the long lines; and that colourful slide, which looked like a skyscraper, and full of water, were the water slides; and that dirty, smelly place, was the washrooms, and that distant, over priced place was the restaurant, and the short lonely stain on the park, who was terrified of the slides, was Cameron.
pastiche 2: A British man, in a slick suit, with an accent on his tongue. A man with no hat, and with shiny shoes, and a stylish haircut on his head. A man who had travelled the world, seen it all, learned many languages, and became a teacher; who walked, and talked, and wrote with chalk, and put on his glasses as he walked into my clsasroom and lectured us.
When I found out for certain that this bear concrete slab scattered with pitiful little trees was the courtyard; and that Eric MacKnight, peacefully reading, and also Shawn Jones teacher of the tenth grade, were in the classroom; and that Coen, Adam, Chantal and Alex, students of the aforesaid were also in the classroom; and that the dark, drab corridor beyond the classroom, met with doors and staircases packed with students mesmerized by their cellphones was the hallways; and that the great grey building afar was the dormitory; and that the raging rowdy lane from which the machines were screeching and blaring was the road; and that the bunch of energy in the middle of it all, was Brandon.
A fearless man, all dressed in black, with his eyes covered in shade. A man with a suit and with shades, and with perfectly polished shoes tied to his feet. A man who had been freshly bathed in water, and groomed by scissors, and pressed by an iron, and shaved by a blade; who marched, and smiled, and laughed and was styled; and whose eyes sparkled as he gleamed at me with a grin.
At a horrible time the young lion figured out for sure, that this deserted country taken over by drought, was his homeland; and that his lion father, death by hunger, and also lioness mother wife of his father, had starved and rotten; and that brother Peter, brother James, sister Hannah, sister Cleopatra, and Leo, baby children of the names said before, also passed and rotten by hunger; and the grey dry climate beyond the miserable mood, woven with measly trees and rocks and hills, with delicate giraffes eating from them, was the riverbeds; and that thin line of rocks in the horizon, was our water source; and that the depleted reservoir afar from which the breeze was rustling, was his birthplace; and that the small lump in his heart began to grow from grief and a tear slid down the face, of the young lion.
A cheerful lake, all in dark blue, with a sheet of ice on its head. A lake with no boats, and no broken smiles, and a hockey net tied around the posts. A lake which had been melted all summer, and splashed around by children, and paddled in with paddleboards, swam in by fish, fished in by man, and drunken from by elk, and ripped apart by boats. Who rippled, and swelled, splashed, and roared; and whose water had been polluted throughout the year as the ice split in the middle swallowing a man.
At the time I didn’t realize it, but this yard was the churchyard now covered in nettles. As I looked over I then saw that Philip Pirrip had gone, and Georgiana’s wife had both passed away buried underground; then realized that Alexander, Bartholomew, Abraham, Tobis, Roger, and a small child had also perished and were buried. Looking overseeing the dark wilderness beyond the churchyard was the old marshes, looking farther down the line seen once was a river, where the wind was rushing from you could see a savage lair where the sea used to be, feeling shivers around your body and fear building up, tears starting to slowly fall, could only have been Pip.
A man who was a fearful looking man, who had metal in his legs, who had no hat, but broken shoes and a rag that was tied around his head. The man was drenched in water with mud covering from head to toe, with cuts that looked like they could be from flints, with stings by nettles from what I could see, with tires from briars. A man who limped and shaken from head to toe, glared and growled at, whose teeth chattered in his head as we pulled me forward with a sliver chain put on me to pull me along as he moved.
It was that moment I knew for sure, that this dreary place bustling with adolescents was the campus; and that Jackson Jenkins in the missing of his assignments, and also energy of the day before, was late to class; and that his fellow classmates of years before, and to come, were also late to class; and that the grand beauteous jungle beyond the campus, mottled with bears and cougars and peacocks, with many beast’s residing in it, was the rainforest; and that the slow flow band below, was the creek; and that the obscured unchecked cauldron from which the storms are brewed, was the pelagic ocean; and that the sudden energy growing inside, was the excitement to leave.
An unhelpful creature, all in gleaming brown, with a minor matter in its leg. A creature with no collar and with broken teeth, and an old bandana tied round its neck. A creature who had been across lands, and over oceans,and through the rivers, and on top of the mountains, and between the roads, and along the valleys; who limped, and caressed, and barked, and chomped; and whose tongue slobbered my face as it took me down.
At such a time the boy found out for certain, that this space filling with people was an intersection where new roads met; and that Jacob was just the friend in his head, and Greg was never there and never real; and that the boy in my dreams, with the fancy shoes, and nice white T, did not exist, and never will, and that the black asphalt roads stretching on incessantly, weaving and winding, illuminated only by street lamps and stop lights, with cars of all shapes and sizes zooming and zipping on the black asphalt; and the storefronts flanking either side, and people busying themselves with wants and desires, walking to and fro without a thought for the young boy of only ten; looking up to the sky with his hands outstretched, he wished for a better life or a helping hand.
A frightened boy, missing the clothing to suit his torso, with nothing but hunks on his feet. A boy whose hair was mangled and knotted, and a face without a set of teeth, and a façade of 40, and the eyes of a boy of ten, and a crusty rag falling round his collar. A boy who had been tossed in rubbish, and bathed in the sun, and dozed on cement, and avoided by eyes, and looked down on by stilettos; a boy who hunched, and baked, and pleaded, and groaned; and whose mind dreamt of a life without struggle as he raised his hands and asked for a penny.
Passage 1: At that moment I realized that this shabby flat strewn with trash was my apartment; and that Philip Pirrip, once my best friend, and Georgiana, once my sworn love, had packed and left; and that happiness, contentment, purpose, calm, and tranquility, everything in fact that I valued, had also packed and left; and that the urban wilderness outside my apartment, intersected with streets and subways and elevated trains, with faceless people hurrying through it, was my home; and that the dark land beyond the city was the world; and that the vast unknowable void from which the screaming in my ears seemed to come, was the cosmos; and that the miserable, useless, despicable heap of self-pity curling into a ball amid the filth and shaking uncontrollably, was me.
Passage 2: A tearful man, all in maroon fleece, with little hair on his head. A man with a brown hat, and with brown shoes, and with a COVID mask tied round his neck. A man who had been mired in poems, and buried in plays, and puzzled by metaphors, and bored by similes, and lulled by iambs, and thrilled by rhymes; who sang, and chanted, and recited and howled; and whose eyes glittered in his head as he marked my essay by the Key.