OMG guys can you believe it? CORY CAME BACK!!! I’m so hyped man I’ve missed him so much I’ve been a fan since like… FOREVER. Anyways, his new manga? BOMB. I bought it ASAP. it’s totally getting me out of artblock like THANK YOU KING!!! SAMURAI STAND UP?! Also, I didn’t get the chance to write about this before but I am SO sad that Jujutsu Kaisen ended and the end was so rushed too, like? BUT, to be fair, Gege was kinda being forced to write it anyways. He wasn’t allowed to stick to his original plot which, WHY??? Everyone also kind of moved on too, like… was that not a generational manga? That was bomb. BOMB. NEVER moving on from that manga. At least Miu knows what I’m talking about, she my blood. Also, Arcane ended… Jinx and Ekko deserved better. The ending was (°Д°). Also IDC what ANYONE says, Jayce defender 4 life. Also Viktor, him too (he was cool, DON’T play with me cause (👁ˋ _ ˊ 👁)). Also, Ryan and Blake know (also Sydney) that I’m a Tyler, The Creator fan (big time), but I doubt anyone else knows. Fav song on the new track? I Killed You (or Rah Tah Tah). But fr fr, Tyler should put Pigs Fly on spotify cause that’s my ALL TIME FAVOURITE. If y’all follow me on insta (MmmmWatermelon) you’ll be seeing some SICK artworks soon I promise (I might even make a separate account for art ∘ ∘ ∘ ( °ヮ° ) ?).
Author: Lola
IRJE #2 – House of Leaves
House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski is a rather mysterious, psychological book that defies the name of narrative, and breaks the standards most books have (and any that I’ve personally read). It is, in short terms, a book within a book within another book (the actual book), though it goes much deeper than that… it focuses on multiple narratives at once: The Navidson Record (journal entries and video recordings that log a family’s move in to a new house), and Johnny Truant (a man who writes about an old man who made an essay, or a book, on The Navidson Record… which doesn’t exist, by the way). In short: the Navidsons move into a new house, that seems normal at first, but then basically deletes all laws of… everything and anything, whenever it wants, and does whatever it wants, causing the family to slowly deteriorate into a soft madness.
Oddly enough, a slight draft keeps easing one of the closet doors shut. It has an eerie effect because each time the door closes we lose sight of the children.
“Hey, would you mind propping that open with something?” Navid-son asks his brother.
Tom turns to Karen’s shelves and reaches for the largest volume he can find. A novel. Just as with Karen, its removal causes an immediate domino effect. Only this time, as the books topple into each other, the last few do not stop at the wall as they had previously done but fall instead to the floor, revealing at least a foot between the end of the shelf and the plaster.
Tom thinks nothing of it.
“Sorry.” he mumbled and leans over to pick up the scattered books. Which is exactly when Karen screams.
I really like this quote because it has some sort of connection to us as humans: how even the smallest, most inconvenient thing can hold everything together. For example, let’s put this quote into context. This is when the house first starts changing, the signs being that the inside is bigger than the outside, hence why they are so confused and not too rattled yet on the whole situation: their minds have yet to fully grasp it. When Karen first placed down that bookshelf, it was pressed to the side of the wall, and the first time the books fell, the wall had stopped it because it was close to the shelf. Karen is trying to distract herself, and bring peace to herself, trying to trick her mind into thinking nothing is strange, nothing is wrong, however, when the books fall a second time, they fall to the floor, revealing a foot of space where the wall had previously occupied, therefore proving the room is growing big on the inside. This sends Karen into distress, snapping her calm state into pieces once she is reminded that nothing, is in fact, okay. You can put this to real life situations as well. Ex. Some children are calm when given a favorite toy during stressful moments or interactions, this keeps them in a state of tranquility. If you take that toy away, they are then stripped of their means of protection, rendering them feeling bare and terrified as now there is nothing to protect and hold them together, nothing to look over the person.
PW #2 “Woe was… is.”
I had a dream. The dream wasn’t pleasant. The dream was not a nightmare, I wasn’t scared. The dream was not a place or time, it was a dream. The dream was a version of myself in twisted ways, either physically, or maybe that represented the space around. Maybe it was the lighting, but I had a feeling it was more than that. There was a sense of dread, whether with or without the fear, and the absence of danger. There was no dread, only peace in a broken illusion fragmented by woe. Woe is not my friend, she is not yours, nor does she exist either both or neither. Woe had a smile, and Woe was when she existed. Woe was not sad, nor distressed, she was simply there to exist in a circle that defies your mind and your logic. She resides within me.
Woe had long hair, unkempt and messy, but due to her own self because she could not care. Woe had distress, from the first touch and the first thought, and then from the raindrops that littered a clear glass pane. Woe could be the sun, for as much as she is the moon, she should not be seen as such. She wasn’t sad, nor was she happy, but she drowned all the same in a bottomless pit that was not water or air. She knew all the lyrics to nine songs that ring a bell like the grandfather clock that haunts her from the corner of her world. She knows the sound of a dog. She is a dog, there for all, there for nothing.
IRJE#1 – House of Leaves
House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski is a complicated and psychological, imaginative book that plays around with the concept of narrative. House of Leaves is actually about a book inside of a book, written by an elderly man named Zampanò who had strangely passed away in his boarded up bedroom. This book was found by a man named Johnny Truant, who reads it and then describes to us his slow and painful deterioration (in multiple ways), which he explains will happen to us (the readers) when we read the book, too.
Then no matter where you are, in a crowded restaurant or on some desolate street or even in the comforts of your own home, you’ll watch yourself dismantle every assurance you ever lived by. You’ll stand aside as a great complexity intrudes, tearing apart, piece by piece, all of your carefully conceived denials, whether deliberate or unconscious. And then for better or worse you’ll turn, unable to resist, though try to resist you still will, fighting with everything you’ve got not to face the thing you most dread, what is now, what will be, what has always come before, the creature you truly are, the creature we all are, buried in the nameless black of a name.
I really like this quote because you can interpret it however you want, because Johnny Truant never actually explains what this deterioration was even about, or specifically cause by. I choose to believe this quote really digs into what actually makes us humans, what we are built by and around and most importantly, what we build. Denial. It goes to show how, we are so built up of our denials, we become a different person, we change in some sort of way, and when we are stripped of that, we are back to what we truly are: a creature, without a name because none of us even know who we are anymore. Then, you’ll watch, and realize, and try to stop the shredding of your skin, of your identity, the one that never really belonged to you. And you’ll fight and resist the grab in which your belongings and your walls are torn apart by, but you can never truly stop it, because in the end, you are still denying yourself.
PW #1
“Silent Hill: PT” was a video game published in 2014, and was later taken down. “PT” stands for playable teaser, and it was a one of a kind game. Throughout years, many would try to recreate this game, but nothing would ever compare to the original. I had never played it, but I played a very close remake of the game. It features a gameplay where you walk through the hallway of what seems to be a mansion, and you loop over and over again. as you progress, things start to happen, like the phone ringing, or the mannequin would start following you. I had played this remake in VR with my best friend Ryan, and it was a very… interesting experience. Now, he’d never admit it to you, but he was much of a scaredy cat during that game. To be fair, I don’t blame him. We took turns going in front of each other, walking down the hall, and at one point, the bathroom was open. I opened the door… it was dark, and when I looked in the sink, I could not begin to describe what I saw. In a few minutes, I’d leave the bathroom, and we’d continue. The piano would play, and there was a fridge tied to the very high ceiling by a rope. The fridge would swing, and you’d wonder why there was crying. A radio sounded once, about a crime, a husband who had shot his wife or something along those lines.
At one point, we couldn’t keep going down the hall, and we were forced to go upstairs. When we went up, we had gone through that hallway a couple of times, at one point, you could hear the piano being played downstairs. I had gotten very scared, and so had Ryan, so he made me go first down the hallway for the rest of the game. Soon, I began drowning out the noise by singing the Mario theme and dancing down the hallway. We looped again, and the closet door that was at the beginning of the hallway was slightly open, showing a small TV perched on a stool. I couldn’t go in the closet, and Ryan couldn’t care less, so he kept going. I, however, had stayed, and watched the TV. It featured a little cartoon man in 2D, walking down a white hallway, over and over, for a while. The TV glitched, an image flashed of the little cartoon man that was rather disturbing, and a figure came out from the side of the closet door, only to slam it shut in my face. Ryan didn’t believe me, I probably wouldn’t believe me too. We looped again, and the door at the end of the hallway was open, revealing a staircase into what seemed to be some sort of attic or upstairs room. Ryan had told me to go first, I had no objections.
I went upstairs, and he followed behind. There was crying, specifically from an infant, which could be found in a cradle across the room. When we looked into the cradle…
I had hid in the closet, and Ryan couldn’t see, but we eventually made it out of the room. We kept up our pace, and we looped again. As we walked down the hallway, a tree had crashed through the window, and the attic latch opened, a ladder falling down along with a basketball, which we had chased, if I remember correctly. Back to that room, we had to hide from a tall man with a shotgun, then we’d crawl through a boarded crawlspace full of spiderwebs, seeming to replicate a kind of ventilation. In the end that chase wasn’t worth the triumph, because he’d get you anyways, and he’d drag you away with his heavy weapon in hand, and it was at this point I had realized there was something much deeper. There was a rope, and he’d push you against and over the railing, and then something would close on you with the sound of screaming and a muted door slammed shut.
Something about being cold, and the silent sound of swinging.
WW1 Readings Reflection
Starting off strong, I never really knew much about WW1. You see, a lot of people teach about WW2 and talk about it, but I never actually learned anything about WW1 other than the fact it was the first world war. I think that it is very heartbreaking to read these experiences from people who had actually been through them.
I learned a lot of vocabulary during this time, and I also learned a lot about history and the military. The military is something I have always had an interest in, but I am much too scared to join it. Seeing this, I realize, to a better extent, the things that can come from the military, and the things that the people in them can go through, and have gone through.
To read about these experiences makes me realize there is so much more to everything. Going through “All Quiet On The Western Front”, and the WW1 quotations, I get a sense, a very dreadful and unpleasant one when I look at the sheer amount of detail on that paper. It makes me sick, but also puts me in a place of uncomfortable learning when I read the words, memories, experiences, and emotions that were put down and remembered.
At the same time, it makes me feel neutral, and yet, it is all recalled so vividly that it is quite horrifying, so strong through pen that my mind gives me a visual image, one that I wish to never have again. However, as uncomfortable as it was, it was also a great learning experience for me.
Her name was Lola!!!
No, I’m not a showgirl.
I do like dancing, though, and music.
And art. And probably other things… like sleeping.
I’ve been here for 4 years, going on five if you count grade 10.
I hope you know I’m hitting over 500 words with this introduction. Begin.
My name is Lola (obviously), and I like drawing. Well, I love drawing. I taught myself how to draw, I became obsessed, and then I wouldn’t stop. For a while, in all my schools, I was the best at art in my class. I hope it stays that way. I used to draw many things, plants, animals, and I was always so bad at drawing people. Then, teachers started to get annoyed at the fact I was drawing and doodling all over my paperwork, both during studying and instead of studying. Time after time, I was told to stop drawing on my assignments, and many wouldn’t see this as a problem, but if you love art you might see where I am getting at already. Over time I had lost my motivation for art, and had lost a piece of me, along with my motivation for many other things.
You see, for me, in order to stay motivated, I have to draw. You may wonder why I have to draw to stay motivated, and to be fair, I don’t know either, that’s just how it works for me. I know it wasn’t anybody’s fault, but maybe the whole “school kills artists” thing was right… actually, it definitely is. It’s right, but not in the sense that it doesn’t literally kill off an artists skill or makes them bad, it is right in the sense that it kills off artist’s motivation, it burns them out, and I fear that is a conversation the world isn’t ready for.
I am aware that it helps increase skill, but it comes at the cost of wanting/bringing yourself to do so. I will not pin it on anybody, on anything. There will be no blame.
At the end of the day, imbalance is what humanity is best at.
I had lost motivation for years. Every time I had picked up a pen, or a pencil, or anything at all, I felt as if my hand was held down by the strength of a million souls. If I had any ounce of motivation beforehand, then it was as if the pencil was suddenly as eraser, and my mind would lay bare on my fingertips to disappear at the slightest touch.
I can’t even do work without blanking anymore.
And that goes for everything, honestly.
I guess, as of late I have improved in my loss of motivation. I’ve been drawing a bit more, nothing complicated or detailed, just some simple sketches. I think grade 10 is a big step up for me, but I’m willing to get through it.
I guess I should introduce some other things about me.
I like a lot of music, but I mostly play it in my head. Honestly, I don’t mind the genre, as long as I like it. I also like acting, and, well… multiple forms of art! I also like reading and gaming. I think maybe, my personal favourite book is “House Of Leaves”, and my favourite game is “Undertale”.
But, I would like to talk more. However, I don’t know the word limit.
I think I will be stopping here… word count: 567.