No, I’m not a showgirl.
I do like dancing, though, and music.
And art. And probably other things… like sleeping.
I’ve been here for 4 years, going on five if you count grade 10.
I hope you know I’m hitting over 500 words with this introduction. Begin.
My name is Lola (obviously), and I like drawing. Well, I love drawing. I taught myself how to draw, I became obsessed, and then I wouldn’t stop. For a while, in all my schools, I was the best at art in my class. I hope it stays that way. I used to draw many things, plants, animals, and I was always so bad at drawing people. Then, teachers started to get annoyed at the fact I was drawing and doodling all over my paperwork, both during studying and instead of studying. Time after time, I was told to stop drawing on my assignments, and many wouldn’t see this as a problem, but if you love art you might see where I am getting at already. Over time I had lost my motivation for art, and had lost a piece of me, along with my motivation for many other things.
You see, for me, in order to stay motivated, I have to draw. You may wonder why I have to draw to stay motivated, and to be fair, I don’t know either, that’s just how it works for me. I know it wasn’t anybody’s fault, but maybe the whole “school kills artists” thing was right… actually, it definitely is. It’s right, but not in the sense that it doesn’t literally kill off an artists skill or makes them bad, it is right in the sense that it kills off artist’s motivation, it burns them out, and I fear that is a conversation the world isn’t ready for.
I am aware that it helps increase skill, but it comes at the cost of wanting/bringing yourself to do so. I will not pin it on anybody, on anything. There will be no blame.
At the end of the day, imbalance is what humanity is best at.
I had lost motivation for years. Every time I had picked up a pen, or a pencil, or anything at all, I felt as if my hand was held down by the strength of a million souls. If I had any ounce of motivation beforehand, then it was as if the pencil was suddenly as eraser, and my mind would lay bare on my fingertips to disappear at the slightest touch.
I can’t even do work without blanking anymore.
And that goes for everything, honestly.
I guess, as of late I have improved in my loss of motivation. I’ve been drawing a bit more, nothing complicated or detailed, just some simple sketches. I think grade 10 is a big step up for me, but I’m willing to get through it.
I guess I should introduce some other things about me.
I like a lot of music, but I mostly play it in my head. Honestly, I don’t mind the genre, as long as I like it. I also like acting, and, well… multiple forms of art! I also like reading and gaming. I think maybe, my personal favourite book is “House Of Leaves”, and my favourite game is “Undertale”.
But, I would like to talk more. However, I don’t know the word limit.
I think I will be stopping here… word count: 567.